Prologue.

«The  process of thinking  should  be instigated   against  some  people»

 Stanislaw  Jerzy Lec

My name is Lucy. I`m only sixteen. I`m the second year student of English department in Mikhailovka  teacher training college. I am  a strange person (maybe very strange). I have my own point of view concerning many things. Sometimes it even frightens me that I am thinking  about so many problems. They  can be political and  historical ones, problems of poor and  disabled  people, but   most  of my reflections are about the problems of  youth. It`s so difficult for me to understand that I`m from one  and  the  same  generation with the people of the age from fifteen to eighteen! I can`t associate myself  with  most of them. Oh, if you  could only know how hard and painful it is...

So, I`ve never written a diary. Now I am trying  to do it  and to draw  your attention  to  some people. I  want  to believe that my reflections  won`t stay imperceptible.

                                                                               ***

.

                                                                          The Diary.

Once upon a time I was thinking if I was an outsider  and the society drove me out from  «the saint world». I decided to recall several days (even periods) of my life and  make some conclusions.

                                                                            Part I.

  «A man has  different  aspirations  and  inclinations and  the purpose of everybody is to  develop them.»

                                                                                                     Johann Gottlieb Fichte

I`m about nine. My friend is ten. We`re classmates. Our houses  are near.  We all are equal  at  primary school.  But even since that time I`ve understood I`m much  cleverer  than my friend. She`s crazy about imitating singers and  actresses from soap operas;  she could  listen to cassettes with silly songs which were without  any  sense, she  could talk about the boys whom she thought she behaved  as  an adult with.  Her parents were constantly  guiding and  controlling  her , my parents  the other  way  round  knew that I could  cope  myself.

….I`m sitting in her bedroom and  thinking what will  happen then. I`m thinkng about it while I`m doing our homework because she has been ill  for  some days  and  may fall  behind the  class. She is  turning  on the cassette-  recorder, she`s walking along  the rooms and  crooning  a  disgusting song.

…We`re studying at a secondary scool. We meet seldom,  as we  make friends with new people. Our interests are completely  different . I am not scorning our friendship.  She has started  speaking badly behind  my back. Soon I`ve stopped it. And good relationship is over.

…We  are growing  up: I  am extending  the sphere  of my interests (music, literature ,sport, art, and so on)   Her interests remain the same as they were some years  ago.

«And what will be soon?»- this   question has always  been a burning one. My intuition never lets me down:   I knew how it would  be.  But there was  a mess  in my head: faith  in  people told me that everything could change, the feeling  of justice told she would get what she deserved, logic prompted that  justice wouldn’t win.

In 9^th form everyone is dreaming about  getting  a good certificate. I`ve done it without any problems: I got «the so called  red certificate». And she has got «the blue» one thanks to her parents.

Nowadays we`re studying at the  same  college. She is  at  law  department  and  her  education  costs   pretty good  some of  money.  Her parents pay.  What for? The interests have remained the same since the primary school.  No  development.

                                                                        Part II.

            «My way of joking is to tell the  truth. There is nothing funnier  in this  world”.»

                                                                                    Bernard  Shaw

…..«Oh, why was I so stupid: I`ve killed the very first feeling which was at our the first date? What for? He has never told  lies to  me! Now I know my mistake...»

The Girl X  and The Girl Z. The first is eighteen, the second – sixteen. Can anyone think that both are  so  light minded? They  have one thing in common : I have  got acquainted with them  when I was entering the colledge; they  were both pretty (frankly speaking it was only  a year ago); they both attracted my attention; they both became my groupmates. Now they are combined by a  different  thing: they both provoke negative feeling;  they both have stopped to care about their appearance – they both have degradated. I won`t tell their stories. They don’t matter. My sense of justice has been  crashed  again because  the  society treats such people  equally  in comparison with those who  really deserve  being treated  kindly ( and it humiliates the second group of people ). I have remembered  these  girls because they don`t like to hear the truth about them. Remarks  and  comments of other people  don’t  mean  anything for them . I couldn’t  bare it  any more . I decided to become «the speaker of the truth». I told the truth clearly, harshly and distinctly. And  got  an answer – insults and even  laugh (I was shocked). They are  as many  from their generation: they ignore  any  advice and   continue going  their way.  To their age they have  became insignificant people in my opinion but what  do the others  think?

                                                                     Part III.

                 «Not realized things  often cause catastrophic lack of  consequences»

                                                                                           Stanislaw  Jerzy Lec

I  have  faced  different  companies of people  being  in the  8^th and  9^th forms . Certainly everywhere I met  people who weren’t worth paying  any  our attention to, but nevertheless  most of them were very interesting. I  saw the people from sixteen to forty years old. Everybody had his own and rich inner world,  a wide circle of interests, but... in spite of being  spiritually  rich many of them   preferred  doing  nothing.  Then I met  other people,  absolutely  different ones but   many things remained the same: young guys and girls  wasting their time and  having no desire to develop and  realize themselves. It goes without saying it’s  their fault. But after a   lot of discussions  and thinking I`ve come to  conclusion   that it`s a fault of our town too. It doesn`t give the necessary  base to grow, to satisfy ambitions. And there is  no entertainment  for the  youth. It`s very difficult to develop in such atmosphere.

                                                                    Epilogue.

«Improvement  yourself by free  using the others’  influence on us  via back influence on them …. is our  purpose in a  society.»

                                                                                          Johann Gottlieb Fichte

Sometimes the chain of my reflections is interrupted by a wish to shout:

                                                              «Turn my way!

                                                               My way is this!

                                                               You can realize dreams

                                                               And leave in peace.»